my son is 8, and my daughter is turning 1

It's amazing to me how fast time goes by. My son is the light of my life, and my heart aches when I think about our relationship. I can remember when my son was brand new, so dependent on me. I taught him everything, and he was such a mama's baby.  Now he lives with his dad almost 600 miles away from me and I only see him 100 days a year. It's heartbreaking that he is so far away and it makes me so angry at the family court system for letting his dad move every time I think about it. I feel like I have failed him as a mother, and I wish there was a way that I could change things so that his dad and I could live closer to each other.

My daughter is a mini-me. She is smart and strong willed (God help me when she becomes a teenager). She is beautiful, and looking at her makes me realize that there is purpose to my life right now. She will be a year old in a month, and the thought of her growing up just scares me to death. I have to get used to the idea because we all know there is no way to freeze time, eventually she is going to stop needing me for every little thing and I need to embrace and encourage her independence.

Here in northern California, the weather is blazingly hot and although I hate the winter, I think the record highs in the 100's have been a little bit much even for me.

My son arrives tomorrow and he will be here for the summer. I wish that I was already done with school so I could have a good income to make his summer one that he wouldn't forget. Too bad, so sad. Going to spend some time looking for things to do that cost little to nothing, and praying that my boyfriend follows through with his promise to get him in karate for a month of lessons.

Life is hectic this week because we are moving. I am really nervous about the move. On one hand I am excited to be getting a nicer place that is definitely more conducive to our life with baby, but on the other hand, I am terrified that we won't be able to make rent through the slow construction season. If you are reading this: pray for my family please, we need it!